My Prayer for Esther

We love Shane and Shane music, Lee especially.  Its incredibly worshipful, full of truth and raw, gut-wrenching questions and answers about God's love.  I was home with Esther today, listening to Pages while cleaning and thinking about what the future holds for my bright-eyed little girl.  Those are the kind of thoughts that seem to randomly and constantly pop into my head these days.  I wonder what she'll say when she starts using "real" words.  I think about what school will be like for her (I already know I'll be that mom that cries HARD her first day), and if she'll be tested for the gifted class...since I'm convinced she's a genius.  I wonder if she'll like art and music, or lean more toward math and science like her daddy.  I can't decide what activities, if any, we should enroll her in, or allow her to participate in when she asks...or what we should go ahead with before she asks.  I wonder if she'll have a best friend that she sticks with through thick and thin, or if she'll have different groups of friends that come and go.  I wonder if she'll take an early interest in boys and how I'm going to be able to talk her into just having "special friends" until she's 30.  Will she roll her eyes when I try to share my heart, or my experiences like I did?  Will we be friends?  Will she feel safe at home, or will she rebel?
But mostly I wonder about her heart.
One of my favorite songs on the Pages album is "Embracing Accusation."  The chorus sings,

"The Devil is preaching the song of the Redeemed

That I am cursed and gone astray

I cannot gain salvation

Embracing accusation"

It talks about the Father of Lies, and I think about all the lies I've believed in my life.  And I wonder about all the lies Esther will hear.  What will she believe?  Will she believe she must be a certain size to be beautiful? Will she believe she must act a certain way to be loved?  Will she believe Satan when he whispers in her ear to be unfaithful to truth?  Will she believe him when she feels guilty, and he tells her she is TOO guilty to be forgiven?  Will she know who her Savior is?  Will she love Him and seek Him?  Will she follow Christ, or will she believe the Father of Lies?  
Oh! How my heart aches for my little girl! That I could give her my knowledge and hard lessons learned of Jesus' sacrifice, of His unfathomable love for her, of God's unimaginable plan for her life! How can I show her how to trust, believe, and love?  (Always immediately following this thought is conviction - can I show her if I am not 100% trusting, believing and loving?)
The end of this song is amazing:

"The Devil's singing over me an age old song

That I am cursed and gone astray

Singing the first verse so convincingly over me

He's forgotten the refrain:

Jesus Saves!!"

I always want to stand in the middle of the house with my hair brush microphone and rock this last part out. I want to shout it out! Mostly, I want to somehow transfer this particular piece of knowledge to my little girl's heart.  "Esther!!  Jesus loves you! So much so that he DIED for you!  Let Him be your hero, your strength. Cry to Him when you are sad and run like crazy to Him when your heart gets broken. Let Him comfort you.  Hide under His wings!"  My tears always fall quickly at these thoughts, at this prayer. For I know that Esther can make none of these decisions without knowing Christ, without being drawn to Him.  And so my prayer for my little girl isn't beauty, popularity, nor talent.  Its not that she'll have incredible ability.  I don't even pray that she'll never get her heart broken, because I know some of the most glorious truths are learned from heartache (though I know my own will break alongside hers).  My prayer is that her heart be drawn to Christ at a tender age, and that she never turn away.  My prayer is that I will finally learn to trust, believe and pray...and that when I do, my daughter will notice.