Trying to be IN the moment (and not cleaning, planning or organizing it)

Our only little girl turned two this summer, and she amazes me. New words are discovered hourly, she's learning to put together sentences, she can even identify colors! This has always been my favorite age, because its an age of absolute dependence AND initial stages of independence. "Inna dewit (I wanna do it)" is a phrase we hear very often. She's full of both, too. She wants to do (or try) everything on her own. She doesn't like to be fed anymore or changed. But the second she is hurt or too tired to care, she comes running to "Momma" or "Diddy" so we can "nuggle." I love those moments. And I love to see her insert her big girl self into everyday moments.

Esther pulling "Ishak"

Esther pushing a Kroger cart

It occurred to me how life is full of these "opposite" moments, and how often I miss them. There have been several times in the past few weeks when I so badly wanted to freeze life and just stay there a while. Those moments when I'm tickling Esther to the point of her doing this wonderful giggle, and when I stop she looks at me then pulls my face back down to kiss and tickle some more. Those moments when she climbs in my lap to "weed Momma, weed!"  I am filled with joy and heartache at the same time, for I know these moments won't last much longer. I watch her sometimes and feel like almost like I'm watching these precious moments slip right through my fingers. I want to never forget what her little girl skin feels like, what her giggle sounds like, or how she kisses (usually she'll only give a kiss if I'm leaving...but I'll take it!). And at the same time, in the same exact moment, I can't help but be anxious to see what kind of person she'll be. Will she always be independent? Will we be close? Will she come to love Christ at an early age? Will she be best buds with people we know now? I'm nervous and excited all at once. And sad that it will all come so quickly.

Where did she learn to take pictures like this??

Other areas of like are like that too. Lee and I can see the light of graduation just a year and a half away. He's been in school our entire marriage thus far, and its finally coming to an end. We may be able to move into a house that's not falling down around us - a house where we don't bump into each other just washing dishes. A house with more than one toilet (can you hear the angels singing?). A little piece of earth so I can finally have my "farm" (really just open areas big enough for blueberry bushes and flowers). And as exciting as that is to think about, our lives now are small and precious and sweet. We live on a neighborly street lined with old houses and old, dear friends. When we go for walks, we can pass family, close friends, college roommates and church members within a half mile of our house. I want to stay here forever, with so many people I love so close. And I also can't wait to move.

My prayer life is the same kind of oxymoron of itself. I have so many things to share, confess, ask of God, one of which is inevitably to show me His will and plan. And I rarely remember to stop talking and listen. "Be still and know that I am the Lord your God." I want to be fully attentive and focused on God when I am spending my time with Him. I want to be still. In the moment. And I can feel these moments slipping away...these sweet, timely moments.